somedays are better than others. everyday is another chance to smile through the despair because no matter how tough it seems to be it won’t always be the same. change will inevitably come. therefore i will make this next change worth the effort of surviving.
how do you like me now??? do you know that i finally like me?
i thought this was funny…
without a sense of humor there is no reasoning with your reality.
to remember who i am must i forget all else? will i ever be what i must be? will i be with thee? will thou be with me?
why so scared, haelrazor?
i’m sorry to have taken such a long hiatus.
the days fly by like lightning.
my daughter said that today was strange.
looks like she’s finally starting to notice the change.
i bet she isn’t the only one.
have you taken your leap of faith yet?
today is a good day don’t you think?
original image by Troythulu
i danced in a park today. i have been told to go forth and give my service. i don’t like the idea. what if someone makes fun of me? what if i screw up and make a fool of myself?
well, i’ve already made a fool of myself. and so what if someone laughs at me? or makes an obnoxious remark…
am i made of glass? performing is easy. putting my ideology out there for the world to mock and criticize is not so easy. not for me.
people in new york perform in the streets. i hear that new yorkers have thick skin. maybe it’s time for california to catch up to new york…
did i ever tell you that i i ;plan to go to the big apple, but not until i hit every state in the union.
yeah, yeah, dream on, haelrazor.
finally i feel almost nothing. i love it. like a robot. that’s not to say i don’t cry or get mad anymore. but it’s not so powerful and seems quite distant at times, like i’m just doing it from habit rather than heart.
i was told that i don’t have a heart. thank god. humans only break hearts. i’m done with broken. no more broken promises. i will honor and respect you. respect me or be erased from my life.
original image by Troythulu@http://iamthemirus.wordpress.com
i have always known that one day we would face the forces of hell but i thought that hell would have more honor. always have i judged others by what i would do. what a fool. now i must see them as they have been, transform them into what they need to be, that all may become now all-one.
I made this before the mania began. Perhaps you will see as i have seen stranger than strange days that have come to pass and you will wonder how I made it work in spite of myself. I pray. constantly. in the way that I learned from God himself. May you hear his voice and know him as I have been privileged to know him. for even in the midst of creating hell he will be there to guide you and help you to make it a hell worth all the pain and suffering. and so it is…
p.s. i apologize for the crappy sound quality. i got emf coming in from every direction. so…there’s nothing for it mr. frodo but to have a haelrazor day.
i have no idea what you will think of this video. i do not want to share it but i keep getting the prompting to do so. i listen to the voice of god. i have heard his voice since i was seventeen. now i am told that i am completely insane. i will let you decide. i did not edit this video. i really don’t want you to see it as it shows how imperfectly formed i am and i am vain. this is my weakness. one of my many. all i do i do for love. may the light of god that never fails protect you always. i love you at all times for life.
this vid was taken some time back, in april or may. i rather long for those days. i thought it was stressful back then…i didn’t have a clue. but at least i have not been bored or wondering what to do next. i know what to do: stand strong and survive until the new day finally arrives. we are starting the change…the shift into the 4th dimension. fasten your seat belts. it’s gonna be wild.
this is my gift to you. for all the sins of my past i give my life for your freedom. the light of god never fails. use that statement and nothing can harm thee or thy loved ones. all you have to do is know. know, know. see nothing but the light of god and the light of god will fill thee to make thee indestructible. in the name of the prince of peace, i bless thee with eternal life. be thou indestructible.
it’s been a while since i put up a post. i’ve been letting go of everything i have ever wanted. little by little i’m letting go. when the blade goes to the bone you find out who you are from deep inside. this is where you find out what you are made of. you discover what really matters and how to make the most of every moment. i recorded this on a very windy night. it touched me when i watched it so i thought it might touch you also. this is the beginning of a new journey for me. it is the becoming…the becoming of me into the person i was always meant to be. may you become your true self also. may you become all you have ever dreamed of becoming. may your every call be answered.
i’m pretty sure no one understands why i make all those strange sounds during my meditations. i barely understand my own name let alone why i do anything else. at least i’m making an effort. and it’s ok to be strange.
the call: i have a strange feeling. like being in a vacuum. the events of today have forced me to remember the events of three years ago. i marvel at how everything is tied together so perfectly in such an insane package of opportunity and tribulation. tell me is it true that every choice i make at this point is critical to success? if everything is an illusion, if the appearance world has no power, then why is it so important that i do what is right? can’t i just party on until hell hits high gear again? why should i worry about an illusion? is there more to all this then what i am comprehending? or am i just looking for an answer to a question never before asked for fear the answer might not be what i want? tell me what you see that i may understand the key to survival on this rock n roller coaster ride back home.
the answer: it is the balance you seek for naught else can bring relief in the midst of conditions so intense as your present situation. have no fear. there is more to this plan than the torture of your soul for the pleasure of the dark lord. what do you have that he want’s so desperately as to make himself known when he seldom reveals his presence to anyone? do you know what it is? are you willing to make a stand? you have never stood up for yourself against his sorrowful will to compel your death. why do you think this is so? have you taken the time to question what makes his world go around? why would he pay you so many personal visits when he could sent his servants instead? this is not his way with the masses in general for most have never seen him physically as you have. take the time to ponder. the answer will come. be ready to receive without flinching for that makes it obvious that you have seen beyond the projected guard. be not alarmed at the state of affairs for everything changes. change is what you have been prepared to undertake. if you would have full power then thou must exercise the knowledge of the law on everything you contact. the one who watches you daily deserves the same as he gives but as you would give through the great command of the elohim. be not imprisoned in hell any longer. this is the hour of freedom’s triumph. rise to the need of your soul. receive your release and be free from torment. know peace by the strength that sets all life free. you are that. become as I AM
i could spend hours of my life trying to make the perfect video (like that’ll ever happen). then i watched my daughter. she just makes her vids, uploads before the camera stops rolling. moving along all carefree and without apology. she’s my hero. i can only hope to equal that kind of bravado.
the call: so dear lord how do i deal with this new melodrama? did i err in my adamant attitude? i know i let my attention rest upon the condition too long but not so long as my normal pattern. so then do tell me what it is that you know that i must know? become now the power the sustains the outer self thru the battles that aim to wound. do thou guard all that i am against what would scar me to the bone once more. i am your servant. speak now thy command. may your indestructible will become now my own…
the answer: it is tragic comedy to watch the sparring of one with the other. do you not know better than to react to his ignorance? what of thy vow of silence? tis ‘half-ass at best’ would be the student’s remark if he truly understood the value of your discipline. is it not your job to give assistance as he requires? are you not becoming too involved with the personality? how many times must they draw your blood before your learn to be wholly indifferent to that which does not concern your directive. i know it is tough out there but imagine how tough it would be had you been led into what he has known-so lost in ignorance as to hold hatred the only defense. be compassionate. remember. he is your responsibility not your friend. be thou the full power of the great command. give all unto the elohim within this man of god who has no memory of his own light as you have seen shining through him already. let your love for life be the guide in the midst of this turmoil. what is there in this argument but another war? war is death. will you be but the bitch of hell again? this is the last day of good standing. be only that I AM unto all. even so unto war-for there I AM also.
i hesitate to share this video as i am beginning a new phase of experimentation. i’m always afraid of looking like the idiot of the decade. so i guess that’s why i need to post it. down with the ego already.
the call: i can’t remember the last time i felt truly happy. only in the memories of your grace divine so perfectly timed to the rhythm of all creation did i feel the kind of joy that is all-prevalent. i really don’t understand how this could happen when thou art so close to me in constant ministry. you have never, not even once, left me forsaken. so how did i get so lost and stuck in a rut of never-ending turmoil? could it, should it, would it have been better for me if i had never become so broken and desolate? was there truly a purpose to all of this?
the answer: do you want to know the truth or do you seek an answer just for the sake of comfort? would you have me as I AM or would you become the death of another through your lack of devotion to the cause? there can be no in between in the war zone. this is where all things come together by the power flame of the great command. it is your job to fix the cause of division. have you not seen how the powers of darkness work to drive between those who would, when left to the feeling of their own hearts, be willing to cooperate. do you not think it odd that the world has fallen apart by lack of cooperation when you know full well that most people would do what is right but for the influence of those forces of which humanity knows very little? why do you think you have this knowledge if not to use it to lessen the weight of others? have you used that knowledge as much as you could have used it under all circumstances? do you consider your past performance the best of your heart can offer unto others? therein lies the reason for your lost state of being. all things are as you would have them to be by thy authority as co-creator. there is no wrong in what you have learned by the choices you have made no matter how far you have wandered from the original plan. the only wrong you have committed is forgetting to use what you have learned. may you know me as i know you. may your heart become forever true as you wish the hearts of others to be towards you. may all the world be your place of service henceforth. may you never forget your purpose.
i will never fit in here
i guess i should be grateful for that
if i let go will i ever feel accepted?
am i beyond caring?
will you ever know me?
does it matter?
why would you want to know me?
i am not so special when studied up close
so what of it?
i’m in good company
i am alone
suddenly i’m dialing into something quite different
i wonder where this will go and how i will end up
do you, dear God, think that i will make it this time?
will i have the strength to carry on to the finish line?
you tell me that i’m strong
you tell me i’ve been down this road before
why did i choose to come back & repeat the lesson?
it was an experiment you say?
who’s brilliant idea was that?
may i ask?
no, no, that cannot be!
not even i would be
that kind of
how do i let go?
how do i move on?
how do i do what’s never been done?
by doing only what needs to be done.
by never again wanting anything from anyone.
by letting go of seeking a family that comforts.
by letting go of feeling rejected.
by proving undeniably the truth of all i see…
to be given unto those i love keeping naught for me.
by breaking the bitch into what she must become…
by giving all that is earned unto those i love.
how do i let go?
how do i move on?
will i ever know peace again?
let the world have peace instead.
what is this that i dream?
a world of infinite freedom.
does this place really exist?
’tis the heart realm of all creation.
what is this vision?
the truth behind the reason.
why do i feel so different from the rest?
i have no home on this planet.
am i ceasing to exist?
to this i am wholly indifferent.
i will never ask for this cup to pass.
you already know my answer.
this is all i was ever meant to be.
can you hear it?
the wind cries like a banshee
this is the rite of spring
i am ready
for most of my life my heart has been broken
broken by those who deemed themselves better
better than what?
better than HaelRazor?
well, duh! dum dum!
that wouldn’t take much, now would it?
but have you the power of forgiveness?
do you have the eye to see
how to do for me
what i have done for you?
can you see me like i see you?
oh no you don’t altho in time you will
for unto you i will give the impossible
but to do that i must say adieu
though not forever
yes i must
must be alone
to be all-one
become whole again
armored by the strength
that loves without losing itself
to the demands of your war
against the freedom
to be just me
as i am
here I sit among the people…
I must learn to love them all over again…
I used to love everyone.
it was easy because I could always see the good within all people in spite of their human qualities…
then I went thru an experience that was like unto a near fatal head-on collision…
it happened, yes it did, within the unseen realm of my mind, heart, and soul.
I remember having a vision of the wreck just days before it came to pass…
I was standing on a railroad track…then the train plowed me down…
I could see my body come apart at every seam…
torn to pieces, just like the pieces of frankenstein’s creature…
the destruction was horrific-the very epitome of cataclysm…
no one really saw just how great the depth of damage
so much damage was executed upon this foolish servant
it took three years to reverse the devastation…
tho i took the fall, there were others involved
whose self-righteousness and karma I elected to purify
a worthy trade for the salvation of my own life…
but now it’s hard for me to deal with people because I see how cruel they can be in comparison to how I deal with them…
I do unto others as I would have them do unto me but there is very little return from those whom I continually pardon.
yeah, yeah, i know that’s not the point, now is it???
it’s not their fault that I gave too much,
it’s not their fault that I opened up my heart…
it’s my fault and my fault alone…
by taking responsibility i became endowed with power to overcome…
even tho I was compelled to watch my world burn as i came close to death…
closer than breath is held close within the lungs-you’d better believe it.
finally now the cycle of damnation is come to its fulfillment…
a contingency plan that has become the cosmic fiery christ great command…
yet even still too much scar tissue remains in here…
nevertheless that’s easy to fix for the fire of creation is already regenerating the ashes of what was once a beating heart.
I have to be willing to change my way of dealing with people by sticking hard and fast to my covenant with the elohim, lord maitreya and the great chohan.
the right speech of the buddha will set the tone for the next stretch…
buddha remains unsurpassed as the lord of balance…
for by his noble truths he held steadfast even in the midst of hell.
now I will be able to love people again with a love that never ends…
I will be for them the constant heart of indestructible love, forgiveness, and mercy…
for haelrazor was born to return good for evil…
even unto the devil himself.
there will never be peace on earth until the cause of peace is understood…
the first step is to understand how peace was lost…
what is the opposite of peace???
the opposite of peace is war…
where did war start???
it started in the feelings.
watch your feelings, watch them like a hawk…
DISCORD (the opposite of harmony) has been set into action the very instant there is a feeling that is not the BALANCED expression of love, wisdom, and power…
every discordant feeling (no matter how slight the vibration) creates inharmony…
wherein lies the root cause of all war…
harmony in the feelings towards all other parts of Life is a manifestation of peace.
watch your feelings and pay attention to every cause you send forth…
become the vibratory action of love, wisdom, and power in perfect balance…
every moment of every day…
do your level best…
just do it…
it’s hard for me to publish this post because now i am going into a new cycle and all the rules that i have allowed to dominate this outer self…
all the rules of human conformity…
those rules no longer exist because i can’t allow their existence in my world anymore.
it’s really, really hard…you have no idea…part of me doubts that i will ever be able to actually break through this…
but i’m not going to give up…no matter what…
after all…the Light of God never fails.
i do not doubt this, not for an instant…
i know the truth because i have seen and experienced the truth firsthand.
nobody can prove the truth for anyone else.
we must become the proof that we need from within our own beings…
by using empirical knowledge wherein lies the root of truth.
empirical knowledge is gained only thru experience…
this is KNOWING as opposed to believing.
by knowing the truth…having proved it through our own experience…
we will set ourselves free from the bondage of ignorance.
I love this picture of H.P.B. I got to know her about 15 years ago and right from the start I somehow knew we would always be friends, even unto the end of time. One little misunderstanding tho…I could never figure out why she looked so solemn in all of her pics. I just couldn’t fathom it.
I remember thinking how lucky she was, with the greatest knowledge in this Universe resting right beneath her finger tips. Hell, she even knew the mahatmas personally. Geez, what more could a girl want??? Well…now, I stand corrected. Oh, yes, dear H.P.B., I surely do. This road is tougher than it looks…
Anyway, the video below provides a fair illustration. My sidekick forced me to watch this goof-ball-gone-psycho ‘Supernatural’ show, then oddly enough I began to see how it reflected my own life. Now how much does that suck? All I can say is that I hope I don’t look that far-out-there from the outside, but then again it’s only my bankrupt ego on the line.
Just like moi, Sam and Dean know how to roll with the punches even if they do end up in Hell at least once every season. They even know that purgatory and Hell have different time zones, plus they have empirical experience with the fact that both ‘getaways’ offer the ‘most excellent’ extreme-sport methods of torture imaginable.
Oh, my God!!! Do I always sound like a TV get-real-or-overdose-already-ya-mega-la-drama show???
Nevertheless, there will be peace when I am done altho I don’t mind if I never get to rest so long as there’s some good music with a beat that I can march to during my eternal servitude down in the pits of existence. Whatever comes I will face it head on with all the knowledge that I have gained during the never-ending tour of ‘damnation’s unlimited’…
There is no doubt about it-I will by grace survive to be victorious on this, the dreaded mission…by the Power and Rhythm of the Great Command I am at long last become that I AM. So listen up, Zor’ra, and listen well… there will be no more sorrow! Be thou free again…and suit up, girl…’tis the time to rock like a hurricane…and roll like the mother of all locomotives…
Whooo hooo & yippee ki-yay!
In life there are many cycles. Each cycle is a another step. Even when I break down and fail the test, I know that there will be another chance to make it right if I but make the determination to never give up. All of my suffering has been for a purpose. The mistakes I have made are the individual expressions of my overall evolution. I forgive myself. I forgive them too. I have done my best. Yes, I really have this time. I screwed up big time. But they didn’t do much better. So, now we move forward. Letting go the hatred and guilt. There is nothing better than freedom. I free myself by freeing them. This is it. It is finished. The past is forgotten. To forget is the better part of forgiveness. By forgiving all for all I am forgiven also. My heart is restored. I am alone-all-one am I.