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who do you serve

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i never meant to become hardened.  i never meant to be hateful.

i can change the outcome of  my mistakes but i can’t force another to change their ways.

i can change myself to become more guarded but i must release that against which i guard myself.

in the end all will be set right.  i must know this always… even as i face despair i must exercise gratitude.

i must never hate or i will never know peace. more than anything i seek to know peace again.

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2 comments on “who do you serve

  1. Good fortune in your search for peace, and may the cost never be too great. I’ve never thought of you as a negative sort; perhaps you are being too hard on yourself, as I sometimes am.

    I find conflict between what I am and what I’d like to be useful if I strike a balance between them. Sometimes it works, and when it does, there’s quietude of a sort for the moment. When it doesn’t meet expectations, When I get moody, that’s cool too.

    I can’t possibly achieve everything I’d like to in the time I have, even were I awake 24/7. I can’t possibly meet all self-expectations of my personal conduct or betterment, and though the conflict within disturbs me, that’s part of the package that comes with life.

    I’m lucky to know those I do, including you. That’s a huge bonus for this vanishingly brief life of mine, a drop in the ocean of time, a mere speck on this dustmote of a planet.

    May you find whatever resolution best fits you.

    • thank you, Troy. everyone knows i’m my own worst enemy because i’m too eager to please. and yes, i am hard on myself because i know better. i have an issue with coveting what this world calls acceptance and love.

      you are right about striking a balance. i know how to do that but i’m too easily swayed by influence. long ago i learned to allow others to be themselves. the difficulty has been to remain true to myself. this world basically hosts two archetypes: the dominant and the dominated, the leaders and the followers.

      i’m not a follower nor do i care to lead. if one chooses not to dominate then others will naturally take the dominant role and as a peacemaker i often find myself going with the flow. that is not a wise role to adopt in a world like this one.

      it’s been a struggle finding my stride because there are no societies on earth that truly suit those like myself. that’s why i have to create a new kind of rhythm in a world so tortured by it’s own creation that it tries to destroy what it doesn’t understand. i’m a tormented being but i always find a way…eventually. thank you for your concern. you are truly a remarkable soul. zorra

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