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smile, stay focused & know

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it’s been 4 months since sonnie hit me with the sale of colonel’s house. it seems like four decades. i can’t think of a single aspect of my life that hasn’t changed save one. my relationship with the presence of life is right on track. for the first time in this lifetime i feel like i’m doing what i need to be doing.
i have let go of everything i ever dreamed of having, loving, or holding.  my home, my inheritance, my mom, my dad, my boyfriend, my belongings…now even my child listens to the poison my mother feeds her. but it is as it should be. my exile has been my grace for in that lonely place of dwelling have i found peace…
it is here that i will become the knowing. it is here that belief, faith, and all those other stepping stones will become just that…stepping stones. been-there-done-that’s-a-wrap-up.
the hardest part of this journey has been seeing my family turn on me one by one. this is my worst nightmare. therefore it had to come to pass. i had to learn the truth behind my weakness. it’s all an illusion. a subterfuge for the truth. once none of this bothers me it will fade away. i already know how it works.
i knew this was going to be a big year. and it’s gonna get bigger. finally, i get to do what i love to do most; raise hell. the right way. i’ve trained my whole life for this opportunity. i want everyone to know that i’m ok…
trust me. i know me. i may be a little crazy but i am closer to the mark than you might like to think. i’m pretty rationale overall.
but you know what? i really dislike this ‘i stand alone’ business. i always knew i would be alone in the end. that’s ok. this time. honestly i think it’s that way for most people. now i will know that i will never again be alone.  ah ha! now she comes to it.
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