well, I found my prayer room. only it’s not a room. it’s out in the rural prairie land that i once called home. it has been waiting for me since the day I left. this is the place where my daughter was conceived. this is the place where I first met death.
this land where i now sit is adjacent to the land that my parents own. my first love, my daughter’s father, is long gone. rumored to be dead. all houses burned to the ground in the last family war. this is my childhood stomping ground.
my parents are divorced. their 40 year marriage didn’t survive the last days of my grandmother’s tormented life. she lived in the mother-in-law house. it was built in 1999, the same year I became pregnant.
ironically, her house sits on the exact spot where my parents divided the land. they didn’t want to see each other more than necessary. less blood would be spilled this way or so they said. so why not just get away from each other?
my parents never wanted to sell the place. but neither was willing to let go. together they wrote the book on strangely stubborn eccentric behaviorism. mom holds the north end of the property. my dad mans the south.
my mother’s name is roxie. she has 500 cats. or something like that. my dad’s name is charles. he is very eccentric with a beautiful and spoiled new wife in tow. her name is blondie. he says she is worse than my mother. no comment from this corner.
I find myself trying to escape as much as possible. after my grandmother died I was given half of the mother-in-law house. I always did like that little house. it was cute and cozy. now its starting to decay.
for a while it was home to a pair of king snakes. then the rats took over. my parents ran off the snakes and exterminated the rats. sometimes my parents still work together. until blondie starts yelling about it.
roxie likes to yell too. she and blondie love swinging their battle axes around. they aim at me, my dad, and the cats. mom and blondie have a lot in common. they make for good target practice.
for some reason my dad has gone half crazy. people say that I’m just like him. I don’t know about that but I do like him. except when he’s being an asshole. but mostly he’s real cool. kind of out there tho. maybe I am like him after all…
so why did I come back here, to this place where the war never ends? I’m an idiot. but that’s’ not why I came back. they need me and I need a place to sleep. they think I’m about to go over the edge. they don’t know how many times I’ve come back from the edge…
as for roxie, charles and blondie…now they’re totally over the edge. so far gone they don’t even know where the edge went or that it even existed. then again, you never know. maybe I’m the one who’s totally lost. time will tell. it always does.
nevertheless, this is where I will perform the rite of spring…it’s necessary for the harvest to out manifest this season. I wonder if I will survive to see the harvest…
what a deal. thank you, god. thank you very much. here i am, back in hell again. yay me. welcome home, haelrazor. fasten your seatbelt. this ride has only just begun. it’s time to make all things right again. or so it has been said.
it’s time to do what’s never been done. it’s time to open the door. it’s time to take the hinges off. never again will this door be shut. it’s time to make heaven and hell all-one. all aboard. this is the long train back home. are you ready for it?