I did it. i said goodbye. i stayed up all night while the wind howled like a banshee. spooky and familiar. i howled too. yes I did. at first the emptiness was almost unbearable. I cried until I felt nothing. then the peace came. it always comes…
everyone else had gone on ahead. there was still more work that waited to be done. more work than I’d figured. I wanted to leave the house clean. no trash or excess baggage. everything needed to be left in order. this was my closure.
I watched the sun rise from the east windows. I had washed those windows a week before. after the sunrise I washed the rest of the windows. as i was finishing up on the last window i had a revelation.
suddenly I understood why i had felt such devastation about leaving the house. my precious. my best friend. my home. all at once I knew what I needed to do. the time had come. i am a graduate. i must now practice what i have learned.
it was in that house that I first began to learn to perform the rite of spring. in that house I bought my first ipod from apple.com. in that house I became who I am now as opposed to what people thought I should be. in that house I found me.
I spent the darkest hours of my life in that house. that house became my companion. as the day of leaving drew closer I experienced involuntary flashes of memory. I wonder if that’s what it’s like when we die. a life flashing before our eyes….bittersweet, perfectly painful and worthy of remembrance.
I spoke to the house and then I remembered the colonel’s wife, Mary. she died many years ago. long before I moved into the house as a servant. she died before I could say goodbye. for her I served the colonel. for her I became a better person.
I was always amazed at being allowed to stay in that house for so long. against all the odds. it was seemed like a miracle and it was. I am so grateful to all those who made it possible. I will never see that house again unless it be by the will of god.
all i need now is to remember…to remember to BE…to ALWAYS BE what I have become. I was given the chance to discover who I am. no matter what anyone thinks or says, I am and i will always be the light of god that never fails. you are that light also. remember?