i went for a walk today. i was supposed to be packing or doing something other than being happy. i decided to live instead. i have to move out my house. well, it’s not my house but it has been my home for the last seven years. i love this house. my best friend lived here. he died here too. i was with him until his last breath. now i must say goodbye all over again.
this house sold in 07. twice. apparently it wasn’t meant to be. i would have bought this house myself but that wasn’t meant to be either. i promised myself that i would move out if they put it up for sale again. realtors and buyers ruin the ambience.
i found out that i had to leave 7 weeks ago. i buried my head in the sand for two weeks because i couldn’t bear the pain. i knew i had to let it sink in very slowly or i might slip over the edge. after two weeks i started packing but only in really short spurts. the pain kept creeping up. it’s been the vivisection of my heart and soul. shut down is a good method of coming to terms. works for me.
now i’m into it full steam. i cry everyday. i say goodbye in many ways. i let go. i let go again. i’m so grateful to have been here for all these years. i thank god that i was given the opportunity to call this place my home. may god give me the strength and wisdom to move forward with a grace that always knows my home wherever I AM.