Sometimes it’s really hard to keep up enough inspiration to carry on. I don’t think I really want anyone to see me up close and it’s not just because I’m an incorrigibly wicked mutation… 😀 …its about feeling vulnerable…the exposure to more rejection.
But that’s what putting yourself ‘out there’ is all about for the most part. At least, that’s how it seems to me on this dark and rainy day when the stormy weather outside matches perfectly the tempest inside my heart which clouds my mind to reason.
So, this is where I enter the KBO zone. A dauntless march towards a goal that can wait no longer. I’ve been perpetually delayed by my tendency to ‘dig in‘ like a coward. Why seek shelter from a storm that grows increasingly fierce because it has no master?
I lack inspiration whenever the depression sets in. It’s a hard frost on my fledgling determination, but so the hell what? How often would anything ever get done if everyone waited until the ‘muses‘ condescend to show up and make everything all better?
In times like these I remember the example set by my father-the strongest and hardest working man of honor that I have ever encountered. He raised me to exert confidence in every fiber of my being…”I AM is fully capable of mastering every challenge”.
He always said that he wanted me to be so confident in my ability that no one would ever be able to intimidate me into becoming just another walking-dead-slave-bot. His indoctrination was impressive, but still, I struggle…with doubt and fear.
However, I’m working on those age-old armor chinks even as I write this post. I am going to KBO in spite of every obstacle that I may have to face before I am finished. I brush away every burden of torment, mere specks of dust pretending to be mountains.