I don’t even know what to write. All I know is that the pain in my heart is still gripping my senses. I want to let go, but habit pulls me back in. The emptiness I feel is only an illusion. I know the darkness is not real.
This is only a test of determination, an opportunity to prove my true worth in the face of increasingly painful opposition. I can and I will do what is right, but I can’t guarantee that I won’t cry or feel sorry for myself occasionally.
They say that without pain there is no gain. I can’t say that I entirely agree with that…nevertheless I will accept whatever gain I have earned through this trial that has been painful right from the start.
I did everything that I was supposed to do this time. I prayed constantly. I used ‘the chi’ as the generator through which I gathered the energy. I even wrote of my struggle in unpublished chronicles, but everything I wrote was worthless…
So, I hit the delete button at the end of every caricature of a post…someday soon I will write the real story. The story where I finally win my victory over all those pesky human weaknesses that dare to separate me from my freedom.
To be or not to be? Is that really a question? Or is it a challenge to find the answer to the problems that have never yet been solved? Solutions can’t be found without working out the problems-preferably using a process that has already been proven.
The Law works, but I have to work, work, work it. The multiplication table works just fine, but only for those who have learned to use it and continue to use what they have learned. And it doesn’t magically answer every problem either…
It takes steadfast and determined effort to find the solutions to the really big problems…like human behavior…and almost everything else on this planet. Myself included.