The Struggle Within Against The Push From Without Pt.2

I started smoking cigarettes when I was 15. In those days I had some really good friends and one of them was kind enough to set me straight.

“You don’t know how to smoke for shit. You’re supposed to inhale, stupid.”

Who knew? Obviously not me. Gee, thanks, man. You know, for saving my image and all that. What a pal. Huh?

Truth is that I can’t blame anyone but myself. And I never have. I’ve always been a bad girl, or a bad boy. You see, in most of my past lives I was a man.

Yep, I was a literally a dude. So I guess I’m kind of a transgender hellraiser. LOL. That’s funny. At least to me. First time I ever thought of that.

So, anyways, when I turned 17 God hit me with a frying pan. Ok, ok, that was actually my mom. But I bet that God has considered it a time or two in the last few years…

Anyways, when I turned 17 something inside of me came to life. It’s ALIVE!!! It was ENLIGHTENMENT.

Shortly thereafter I began using this simple little decree every time that I would have a smoke.

“Beloved Great Presence of Life, blaze thru me thy Consuming Flame of Divine Love. Take this human quality, desire, and habit out of me. Annihilate it’s cause, effect, record, and memory, past, present and future. Replace it by the fullness of yourself and your perfect satisfaction. Hold your full dominion here forever.”

(The words may be slightly different from the original. It’s from the I Am Discourses Vol. III. I loaned my copy to a friend and I haven’t seen it since…)

Well, I made this call sincerely (albeit a little bit half-heartedly) for a couple of weeks, and voila! suddenly, I just decided to quit. It was a breeze.

Honest to God, it was so easy. To me, it was like a miracle. The problem was, it only lasted for three years.

Apparently I had missed the memo about the importance of attention, vision, and qualification-the governing faculties of all manifestation.

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