I Thought I Smelled A Rat

That’s what she said today. “I thought I smelled a rat!” Nice. Thank you very much, Angelica. That is the name by which I refer to ‘SHE’. ‘Angelica, the Queen of Hell’. Oh, wait a minute, that’s me-I’m Queen of Hell. I get confused.

‘Angelica’ is the name I have given to the female Jinn who is out for my blood. Literally. I kid you not. Then again, who can blame her.

Of course I don’t call her Angelica to her face. Then she’d really be pissed. Or maybe not. I do believe that’s what she wanted me to call her. I would have chosen something a little more colorful, I’m sure.

We don’t exchange words but I know that ‘she’ knows that I can still hear. The moment I pick up one her little jabs I shut down the PA system ASAP. I can’t let the connection build, or the shit would fly. Like it did yesterday, but worse.

Yesterday I went over the flipping edge. Thank God it was only a simulation. In the midst of falling apart, whilst I declared to the Father that I would never be good enough break through the barriers, the beast threw me around like a ragdoll.

I felt that powerful urge ‘to take out the jugular, or bash the skull so badly that (I would) never be able to get help in time’. That’s the only way ‘they’ can get me. I have to do it myself. Let it be understood that ‘they’ are not Angelica. I have list of enemies longer than my leg. Hard to believe, I know.

Fortunately, ‘they’ can’t just run me over with a semi. There are rules. I have to run out in front of the semi first. Willingly. Very tempting.  But, then I’d have to come back and do this all over again. Under worst circumstances. No thank you.

It’s not like I was really thinking about killing myself. It was actually a lesson. Like I said, a simulation. The Father was allowing me to see how very easily the forces can gather around and push all those little buttons.

The buttons that trigger all those nasty little programs that need to be uninstalled. It would be so easy, if ‘they’ got to me at the wrong moment. I’ve made a habit of making it way too easy. The time has come to be the Changer.

I am ready to be whatever that means. Now the real work begins. I owe it to my Father. I owe it to my own God Presence, the Great I AM. I owe it to the Great Chohan. I owe it to ‘her’.

I owe it to all Life, substance, and energy everywhere, because everything longs ‘To Be’ FREE. Including me.

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